The holidays, that joyous time of year when you get stuck talking to relatives and strangers you would otherwise avoid at parties you didn’t want to attend. Be prepared.
1) Have you written anything I’d know?
I don’t submit to Trucker’s World
2) I’ve been thinking about writing a book, too.
I’ve been thinking about building a house. How hard could it be?
3) Weren’t you working on that thing last Christmas? When’s it going to be done?
(For all to hear) You still sleeping with your wife’s sister?
4) How much money do you make?
How’d your last prostate exam go?
5) You should write my life story.
You’ll need to die first.
6) I don’t read.
Trump voter, huh?
7) What’s your real job?
Auditor for the IRS.
8) My kid wrote a novel. Only 12. Damn genius. Would you read it?
9) You wrote a book? Cool. Can I have a free copy?
You sell cars? Cool. Can I have a free Beamer?
10) I hear Amazon will publish anything if you pay them.
I hear you’re stealing cable from your neighbor.
Hilarious! Thank you 🙂
Happy to give you a giggle.
Ooh, harsh answers, but definitely been there with those questions.
Thanks for stopping by, Patt. I find that the people who ask these questions are so thick in the head that answers like this don’t even register.
Jayne, you made my day! hahahahahahahahaha!
Absolutely right on! Stay away from idiots…it’s bad for the soul.
Agree, Dianne. But boy, are they hard to avoid. Thanks for stopping by.
These really hit home. Nice job!
My favorite is #10.
I just shared this on facebook. It’s great. I’ll be sharing this with my writing class tomorrow night, at my next Strand writing workshop, and with all those people who want me to read their work, want free copies of mine, and think writing is easy.
Ah, then my work here is done. 🙂 Thanks, Nancy.
Brilliant. It’s the ‘How long does it take you to write a book?” too.
I just answer a year… (It’s more like three at times!)
Hi, Teresa. Thanks for stopping by. I write flash and microfiction, but I just say I write short stories. So much easier than explaining.
But if you say, “I write short stories,” they ask… fiction or nonfiction? amiright?
Add that one to the list. Thanks for stopping by, Ericka.
I’ve always been tongue-tied about these questions. Thanks for the snappy comebacks.
Happy to help out, Vicky. Thanks for stopping by.
One writer said ; writing is easy. All you do is stare at a blank piece of paper until the beads of blood appear on your forehead
In my case, the beads of blood are from slamming my forehead against my desktop hoping something will fall out. Thanks for stopping by, Preston.
Love it! Well done.
Oh, my — this is fun (in an “oh my freaking … ” kind of way) —- well done! I’m smiling here.
What’s flash fiction?
I only write when there’s lightning.
Yours are great
Hilarious, Jayne. And spot on!
I don’t have anything to add, but it’s great to read your “voice”! Those people are all why I don’t go “home” anymore. <3
Are your stories about real life.
Fantastic! Laughing and applauding over here.
A publisher sent me my first rejection letter stating “Publishers don’t like anthropomophized objects or talking cats.” Wounded and hurt, I found a publisher who fell head over heels in love with my piano who narrated my story. I wish I’d had a come back for that awful rejection letter.
I love the idea of a piano narrator! So happy you found a publisher. Thanks for stopping by, Zoe.